Almost every adult child asks this at some point.
Usually late at night. Usually after a visit that didn’t feel bad. just different. That question isn’t a sign of panic. It’s a sign of care.
The difference between a blip and a pattern
One off day means very little. Patterns mean something else.
Families often notice:
- tiredness that doesn’t lift
- forgetfulness that repeats
- meals skipped more often
- reluctance to go out
Not dramatic. Just consistent.
Patterns are information, not emergencies.
We’ve written about how families often realise care is needed after spending time together over Christmas and other holidays.
Why families doubt themselves
People hesitate because:
- they don’t want to be patronising
- they respect independence
- they fear “starting something”
But asking questions isn’t taking control. It’s paying attention.
What to do instead of rushing decisions
Before acting, it helps to:
- observe gently
- ask open questions
- talk things through with someone neutral
Exploring support doesn’t commit you to it. It gives you clarity. And clarity often brings relief.
Wondering what support might look like — without changing everything at once? We’ve written about that, here. Live-in care after Christmas.
When noticing early actually helps
Families who explore options early often say:
“We felt calmer once we understood what was possible.”
Early conversations mean:
- better matching
- less pressure
- more choice
You don’t have to act on anything yet. But if you want to explore what gentle support can look like, we’ve explained it here:
Live-in care after Christmas: a calmer way to talk things through
Christmas has a funny way of masking the cracks.
There’s noise, visitors, meals, routines flipped upside down, and a general “we’ll deal with it later” energy that somehow keeps everything moving. Then January lands. The decorations come down. The house gets quiet. And by February you start noticing things you didn’t see, or didn’t want to see, a few weeks ago.
If you’ve found yourself thinking:
“Mum seems more confused than she did before.”
“Dad isn’t coping with day-to-day things.”
“They’re just… not quite the same.”
You’re not alone. And you’re not being dramatic.
Sometimes the post-Christmas return to normal makes changes more obvious, not because Christmas caused them, but because everyday life is where coping (or not coping) shows itself most clearly.
This guide is here to help you make sense of what you’re noticing, without spiralling into panic or pushing it down until it becomes a crisis.
Why Changes Can Feel More Obvious After Christmas
A few common reasons families notice things after the holidays:
The “busy house” effect
When there are people around, things get covered up. Meals appear. Company fills the gaps. Someone else reminds them of the date, prompts medication, or quietly takes over.
Fatigue and disruption
Late nights, social effort, travel, rich food, alcohol, altered sleep. Even a healthy person can feel wobbly after Christmas. For older people, especially those with cognitive or mobility challenges, it can hit harder.
Routine returns (and so do the problems)
The real test is ordinary life:
remembering appointments
preparing meals
managing personal care
keeping the home safe and clean
staying steady on their feet
That’s when small changes become loud.
The “Small Things” That Often Matter Most
You don’t need a dramatic incident to justify concern. In fact, families often regret waiting for a big event (“the fall”, “the hospital admission”, “the wandering episode”) before acting.
Here are subtle but meaningful signs to watch for.
Memory and thinking
repeating the same story several times in a short period
getting muddled with dates, days, or familiar routines
struggling to follow conversations (especially with more than one person)
misplacing items in unusual places (keys in the fridge, etc.)
Mood and personality
more withdrawn, flat, or anxious
unusually irritable or quick to anger
emotional “fragility” (tears, worry, agitation)
less interest in hobbies, TV, or chatting to family
Daily living
unopened post piling up
fridge contents going off / forgetting meals
wearing the same clothes repeatedly
poorer hygiene than before
medication errors or confusion with dosettes
Mobility and safety
moving more slowly or shuffling
new bruises (often a sign of unreported knocks)
unsteadiness, “furniture walking”, fear of stairs
avoiding showers or baths (sometimes fear of slipping)
Home environment cues
the house looking more neglected than usual
clutter increasing
odd smells, stains, or burned pans
bins not emptied, laundry backing up
You’re not looking for perfection, you’re looking for change.
A Quick “Reality Check” Before You Worry Yourself Sick
Some things genuinely can be temporary. For example:
dehydration
urinary tract infections (often affect confusion in older people)
vitamin deficiencies
grief, loneliness, or low mood
poor sleep
medication side effects
If you’ve noticed a sudden change, it can be worth a GP conversation, especially if confusion or mobility has worsened quickly.
But if what you’re seeing is a gradual trend that’s becoming harder to ignore, it’s usually a sign that extra support is needed.
What To Do Next (Without Turning It Into World War Three)
1) Start a simple “pattern note”
Nothing fancy. Just a few bullet points on your phone:
what you noticed
when it happened
how often
any triggers (tiredness, evenings, after appointments)
Patterns make conversations with family (and professionals) easier and less emotional.
2) Have a calm, specific conversation
Instead of “You’re not coping”, try:
“I’ve noticed the post is building up. Can we figure out a better system?”
“You seemed a bit unsteady on the stairs. Shall we look at making that safer?”
“Would it help if someone popped in regularly for meals and company?”
This keeps dignity intact and reduces defensiveness.
3) Don’t wait for the crisis
The best time to explore support options is before things become urgent because then you have choice:
visiting care
live-in care
respite
family rota and professional support
equipment, adaptations, and routines
Why Families Often Choose Live-in Care at This Stage
After Christmas, a lot of families land on the same realisation:
“It’s not one big thing. It’s lots of little things and we can’t be there every day.”
Live-in care can help when someone needs:
consistent support with routines
reassurance and companionship
help staying steady and safe at home
support with meals, medication prompts, and personal care
someone around overnight for peace of mind
It’s often a practical alternative to repeated “firefighting” visits and exhausted family members trying to plug gaps.
If you want the full breakdown of signs, next steps, and what support could look like in practice, this page is the best next stop: Noticed changes after Christmas? What to do next
When It’s Time To Talk To Someone (Even If You Feel Guilty)
If you’re holding any of these thoughts, you’re allowed to get help:
“I’m worried they’re not safe.”
“I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“We’re arguing more.”
“I’m checking my phone constantly.”
“I’m exhausted.”
Getting support isn’t a failure. It’s a plan.
And the earlier you plan, the more control you keep.
A Gentle Next Step
If you’re unsure what level of support is right, you don’t have to decide today.
Start with a conversation. We can help you think it through, pressure-free, based on what’s actually happening — not what you fear might happen.
Or read the practical guide: Noticed changes after Christmas?
FAQs
Is it normal to notice changes after a busy holiday?
Yes. A return to routine can reveal difficulties that were easier to hide during a busy period.
Could these changes be temporary?
Sometimes — issues like infection, dehydration, poor sleep, or medication changes can affect memory and mobility. If changes are sudden or significant, speak to a GP.
How do I bring this up without upsetting them?
Stick to specific observations and practical solutions. Focus on safety and comfort, not blame or “you can’t cope”.
Do I need to wait until something serious happens?
No. Planning earlier usually gives you more choices and far less stress.
Is live-in care only for advanced needs?
Not necessarily. Many families explore live-in care when day-to-day routines start slipping and being alone feels unsafe or lonely.
What if my loved one refuses help?
That’s common. A gentle approach, small steps, and involving them in choices can help. Sometimes having a third-party conversation makes it easier.
Caring for someone with dementia presents real challenges. One of the most difficult parts can be managing behaviours that seem confusing or upsetting — especially when the person you’re caring for no longer acts like the one you’ve always known.
If you’re a family member or a professional carer, you’re not alone in this. Challenging dementia-related behaviours are common, and while they can be distressing, they’re often ways for someone to express unmet needs or confusion. With patience, understanding, and the right tools, you can help create a calmer, more comforting environment for everyone involved.
Why Do These Behaviours Happen?
Dementia affects the brain in many ways — memory, reasoning, emotions, and even how someone sees or hears the world. When the brain struggles to make sense of things, behaviour is one of the first signs of change.
Often, these behaviours aren’t intentional. They might be caused by:
- Confusion about time or place
- Feeling overwhelmed or scared
- Pain, discomfort, or a medical issue
- A change in routine or environment
- Difficulty communicating a need or emotion
It’s important to remember: the behaviour is a symptom, not the person.
Common Behaviours and What They Might Be Telling Us
Aggression or Agitation
This could be verbal outbursts or physical actions. Often, it’s a sign that someone is scared, in pain, or feeling misunderstood.
Wandering
Some people with dementia walk with purpose but don’t know where they’re going. They might be looking for something familiar or simply responding to restlessness.
Sundowning
As the day goes on, some people become more confused or anxious. This is known as “sundowning” and may be linked to fatigue, lighting, or even unmet needs like hunger or thirst.
Repetition
Repeating the same question or story can be frustrating, but it’s often a way of seeking comfort. They may not remember they’ve just said it — but the need behind it is real.
Hallucinations or Paranoia
Sometimes, people with dementia see or believe things that aren’t there. This can be distressing for everyone involved, but staying calm and reassuring helps.
Resistance to Personal Care
Refusing help with washing or dressing may be a response to embarrassment, confusion, or fear. They may not understand what’s happening — or feel that their independence is slipping away.
What Can Carers Do to Help?
While there isn’t a single solution that works for everyone, here are some strategies that can significantly impact the situation:
Stay calm and gentle. Speak softly and avoid raising your voice, even if things feel tense. Your mood sets the tone.
Use reassurance. A kind tone, eye contact, or a familiar song can go a long way in easing anxiety.
Stick to routines. Familiar patterns and environments help reduce confusion.
Redirect gently. If something is upsetting them, try changing the subject or guiding them to another activity.
Watch for pain or discomfort. Sometimes a headache, full bladder, or hunger is the real problem — even if they can’t say so.
Keep communication simple. Short sentences and one-step instructions are easier to process.
Be mindful of triggers. Loud noises, clutter, or unfamiliar people can sometimes lead to distress.
The Power of a Person-Centred Approach
When we take time to understand someone’s personal history, likes, dislikes, and daily rhythms, we can respond in ways that feel respectful and meaningful.
Maybe they were a keen gardener — could a few minutes outside with some flowers bring calm? Perhaps music played a big part in their life — a familiar tune might work wonders.
It’s about seeing the person behind the diagnosis and helping them feel safe, connected, and valued.
Caring for the Carer Matters Too
Managing these behaviours can be exhausting, especially if you’re doing it day after day. Whether you’re a relative or a live-in carer, your emotional wellbeing is just as important.
- Take short breaks when you can
- Talk to someone you trust
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help
- Remember that you’re doing your best — and that’s enough
At Eximius Support, we believe no one should have to face this alone. We’re here to support both the individual and those who care for them.
How Eximius Support Can Help
Our experienced live-in carers are specially trained to support people with dementia in a compassionate, respectful way. We build care plans around each person’s needs, helping to reduce distress and create moments of joy.
Whether it’s maintaining routines, providing reassurance, or just being a friendly face day after day, our carers bring calm and confidence into the home.
In Summary
Challenging behaviours are one of the hardest parts of caring for someone with dementia — but they can be managed with patience, empathy, and the right support.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure, don’t struggle on your own. Whether you need advice, respite, or full-time care, Eximius Support is here to walk beside you — every step of the way. Contact us today to find out how we can support you and your loved one.
Further Reading
How can you help someone with dementia tell the time?
What is Rapidly Progressive Dementia?
What happens in the early stages of dementia?
Dementia is a degenerative brain disease that can cause significant challenges for the affected individual and their loved ones. One of the most challenging aspects of dementia is when it becomes necessary for an individual to move out of their home and into a care home. This can be a difficult decision to make, but it’s essential to consider when it’s no longer safe for someone with dementia to live at home. In this blog post, we’ll explore some of the signs that it’s time for someone with dementia to get additional support.
Safety Concerns
One of the primary reasons why someone with dementia may need alternative care solutions is concern about safety. Dementia can cause memory loss, confusion, and disorientation, leading to accidents and injuries. For example, an individual with dementia may forget to turn off the stove or wander outside and become lost.
Care Needs
As dementia progresses, an individual’s care needs will likely increase. This can include help with personal care, such as bathing and dressing, and assistance with medication management and other medical conditions. If you’re finding that you’re struggling to provide the level of care your loved one needs, it may be time to consider a care home or additional help for them in their own home.
Social Isolation
Social isolation can be a significant problem for individuals with dementia who live at home. As dementia progresses, an individual may have difficulty communicating and become withdrawn. This can lead to social isolation, which can have adverse effects on mental and physical health.
Family Caregiver Burnout
Caring for someone with dementia can be challenging and exhausting, both physically and emotionally. As a result, caregivers may become burnt out from the demands of providing care around the clock. This can negatively affect the carer’s mental and physical health and their ability to provide care for their loved one. If you’re finding that caring for your loved one is becoming too much to handle, it may be time to consider a care home, live-in care or respite care.
Financial Considerations
Care homes can be expensive, and it’s essential to consider the financial implications of moving your loved one into a care home. However, it’s crucial to balance the cost of care with the benefits a care home can provide. In some cases, it may be possible to access financial assistance to help cover the cost of care. Additionally, live-in care is often a cost effective solution, especially when care is required for a couple.
Care Homes are Not the Only Solution
Deciding to move your loved one into a care home can be difficult, and it’s important to consider the factors discussed above. In addition, it’s important to involve your loved one in the decision-making process as much as possible, to help them feel empowered and to ensure that their needs are being met. If you’re struggling to make the decision, speaking with a healthcare professional or a social worker who can provide guidance and support can be helpful.
It’s also important to remember that care homes are not the only solution for dementia patients. At Eximius, we understand that the decision to move a loved one with dementia into a care home can be difficult. That’s why we’re here to help.
We provide dedicated and compassionate live-in care to people with dementia, ensuring they receive the care and support they need to thrive. In addition, our caregivers are trained to provide specialised dementia care, including assistance with personal care, medication management, and
Dementia is a brain condition that affects many people, especially as they get older. In the UK, a large number of families are touched by dementia, seeing their loved ones face challenges with memory, thinking, and everyday tasks. This article aims to help you understand dementia better, spot its early signs, learn about its journey, and find out how to get help in the UK.
What is Dementia?
Dementia is a neurological condition characterised by a decline in cognitive abilities such as memory, reasoning, judgment, and communication to the extent that it interferes with daily functioning and independence. It is caused by damage to brain cells, typically resulting from diseases like Alzheimer’s (the most common in the UK) or vascular issues. Symptoms may include forgetfulness, confusion, disorientation, difficulty with language and problem-solving, and changes in mood and behaviour. Dementia poses significant challenges for individuals affected, their families, and carers.
Spotting the Early Signs
Catching dementia early can make a big difference. Early signs might include forgetting recent events, having trouble planning or solving simple puzzles, getting confused about time or places, and mood swings. You may notice that someone who used to be good at managing their day or remembering birthdays starts having trouble with these things. It’s essential to know these signs so we can help our loved ones find the proper support early on.
The Journey of Dementia
As Dementia progresses, the person will go through different stages. At first, the signs might be mild and not too troubling. But as time goes on, these challenges can grow, making daily tasks harder. This journey is different for everyone, but understanding it helps families prepare and make their loved ones as comfortable as possible.
Finding Support in the UK
The good news is there’s a lot of help available in the UK for people with dementia and their families. The NHS and social care services offer support, from getting a diagnosis to finding the proper care. There are also charities and organisations ready to lend a hand with advice, support groups, and resources. It’s all about finding the right help and ensuring the person with dementia and their family feel supported.
Personalised Care: The Key to Support
Everyone is unique, and so is their experience with dementia. That’s why personalised care, that’s specially designed for one person’s needs, is so important. It helps people with dementia get the right kind of help at the right time, making their days better and more fulfilling.
Eximius Live In Care: A Special Kind of Help
At Eximius Support, we believe being in a familiar place can make a big difference for someone with dementia. Our carers and companions are trained experts in dementia care, ready to support not just the person with dementia but their whole family.
Why In-Home Care Makes Sense
Staying at home is much better for someone with dementia than moving to residential care. It’s important for people living with dementia to be in a place that feels safe and familiar, surrounded by memories and the comfort of home. This can help slow down the challenges of dementia and make life more enjoyable.
Choosing the Right Care
If you’re looking for care for a loved one with dementia, it’s essential to ask the right questions. Find out about the carer’s training, how they plan to personalise care, and how they’ll adapt as needs change. Choosing someone who understands the dementia journey and knows how to offer the proper support can make all the difference.
Dementia is a challenging journey, but understanding it, spotting its early signs, and getting the proper support can make a big difference.
If you think someone you love might be showing signs of dementia, don’t wait. Talk to a doctor about what you’ve noticed. If you’re looking for more support at home, contact us here for an informal chat about how we can help.
Further Reading
Making the Tough Call: When Is It No Longer Safe For Dementia Patients To Stay At Home
Understanding The Diagnostic Process For Dementia
Understanding the Distinction Between Dementia and Alzheimer’s
Understanding the Costs of Dementia Care: Domiciliary vs Live-In Care
Resources
Dementia is a progressive condition that affects a person’s cognitive abilities, including memory, language, and decision-making. There is no single test to diagnose dementia, and a combination of assessments and tests is usually required. This process can be carried out by a GP or a specialist at a hospital.
Taking a medical history
The diagnostic process usually begins with a history-taking session, which is generally conducted by a GP. A more detailed history is taken if a person is referred to a specialist. It’s helpful to have someone who knows the person well, such as a family member, accompany them to the appointment, as they can describe any changes or problems they have noticed.
During the history-taking session, the doctor will ask questions about when the symptoms started and how they affect the person’s daily life. They will also check whether any existing conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, depression or stroke, are being appropriately managed. The doctor will review any medicines the person takes, including prescribed drugs, over-the-counter medications, and alternative products such as vitamin supplements.
Mental ability tests to diagnose dementia
Mental ability tests, also known as cognitive assessments, are carried out to diagnose dementia. These tests evaluate a person’s mental abilities, such as memory or thinking. A typical test used by GPs is the General Practitioner Assessment of Cognition (GPCOG), which involves a series of pen-and-paper tests and questions, each of which carries a score. While these tests cannot diagnose dementia, they may indicate that memory difficulties require further investigation.
The cognitive assessments evaluate several mental abilities, including short- and long-term memory, concentration, attention span, language, communication skills, and awareness of time and place. However, it’s important to note that a person’s level of education may influence test scores. For example, someone with a lower level of education may have a lower score, even if they do not have dementia. Similarly, someone with a higher level of education may achieve a higher score but still have dementia.
Blood tests to check for other conditions
Blood tests are also conducted to check for other conditions that can cause symptoms similar to dementia. The tests usually check liver function, kidney function, thyroid function, haemoglobin A1c (to check for diabetes), and vitamin B12 and folate levels. If there is a suspicion of an infection, a urine test or other investigations may be required.
Dementia brain scans
Once more straightforward tests have ruled out other problems, brain scans are often used to diagnose dementia. Memory tests and brain scans cannot diagnose dementia independently, but they are used as part of the broader assessment. Not everyone will need a brain scan, especially if the tests and assessments indicate that dementia is likely. These scans can also check for evidence of other possible problems that could explain a person’s symptoms, such as a stroke or a brain tumour.
An MRI scan is usually recommended to confirm a diagnosis of dementia and the type of disease-causing dementia. In addition, it can provide detailed information about the blood vessel damage that happens with vascular dementia or show areas of shrinkage that can indicate frontotemporal dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.
A CT scan can be used to check for signs of a stroke or a brain tumour. Still, it cannot provide detailed information about the brain’s structure. So even if a brain scan does not show any noticeable changes, it does not necessarily mean that someone does not have dementia.
Other scans and procedures to diagnose dementia
In some cases, other scans and procedures, such as a SPECT or a PET scan, may be recommended if the result of an MRI or CT scan is uncertain. These types of scans look at how the brain functions and can pick up abnormalities with blood flow in the brain. An EEG may also be taken if a specialist suspects that.
While receiving a dementia diagnosis can be daunting, it’s essential to remember that early diagnosis can help manage the condition and plan for the future. Additionally, support and care are available for people with dementia and their families, including information and resources from dementia charities and support groups. Ultimately, seeking medical advice and support as soon as possible is crucial for people concerned about symptoms of dementia or who have a family history of the condition.
Eximius can help
Here at Eximius, we provide dedicated and compassionate live-in care to people with various conditions, including dementia. If you want to learn more about how we can help you or a loved one, we’d love to hear from you. You can contact us here.
You may also be interested in the following:
What happens in the early stages of dementia?
Supporting our clients with Dementia
What is Rapidly Progressive Dementia?